In this thoughtful reflection, Ruchika Narula, Head of Secondary School here at Brisbane Montessori School explores the profound journey of adolescence, and the important role community, relationships and everyday choices play in shaping character.
“The adolescent must never be treated as a child, for that is a stage of life that he has surpassed.”
- Dr Maria Montessori
Adolescence is an extraordinary period of becoming. It is a time when young people begin to step beyond the identity created for them by childhood and ask deeper questions: Who am I? Where do I belong? What do I believe? And what kind of person do I want to become?
Montessori understood that this formation of character cannot happen in isolation. Adolescents need a community in which to practise being members of society. In this place, their choices matter, their words have consequences, relationships require care and mistakes become growth opportunities.
In a small community such as ours, this is particularly visible. Words travel quickly. Humour shared between a few people can affect many others. A comment intended as a joke can make someone feel uncomfortable, diminished or unsafe. Equally, choosing to laugh, remain silent, repeat something, challenge it, or seek the support of an adult is a social decision adolescents are learning to navigate.
The world our young people inhabit makes this increasingly complex. Their understanding of humour, relationships, gender, popularity, and what is considered socially acceptable is influenced not only by family, school and friends, but by an almost limitless stream of social media, influencers, online personalities and algorithms.
Content designed to shock or attract attention can easily blur the boundaries between what is entertaining online and what is respectful in a real human relationship. Part of becoming an adult, therefore, is learning to filter.
Not everything funny online needs to be repeated. Not everything said by an influencer deserves to become part of our own language. Not every opinion needs to become our opinion. Adolescents gradually need to develop an internal compass that allows them to ask: Is this consistent with my values? Is it respectful? Could it harm someone? Is this who I want to be?
This is where community becomes one of the adolescent's greatest teachers.
At school, young people experience the natural consequences of living alongside others. They discover boundaries, negotiate friendships, encounter perspectives different from their own and learn that freedom exists alongside responsibility. Sometimes they will get this wrong.
Our role as adults is not simply to punish the mistake or remove every uncomfortable experience, but to help adolescents examine what happened, understand its impact, repair relationships where possible and make a more conscious choice next time. Adults also have an important responsibility to model the very qualities we hope adolescents will develop. The way we speak about others, disagree respectfully, acknowledge mistakes, establish boundaries and show courage when something is not right provides a powerful blueprint for young people finding their own way.
Perhaps one of the most important lessons we can give adolescents is that character is formed in the small choices: the joke they decide not to make, the rumour they choose not to repeat, the friend they defend when others remain silent, the courage to say “that's not okay”, or the decision to approach a trusted adult when something does not feel right.
These moments may seem small, but collectively they answer that important adolescent question: Who am I becoming?
Montessori education has always looked beyond academic preparation towards preparation for life. Our task is not simply to help young people become knowledgeable adults, but thoughtful, discerning and compassionate members of society, young people capable of exercising freedom with responsibility and understanding that their individual choices contribute to the wellbeing of the community around them.
And perhaps that is one of the greatest privileges of working with adolescents: we are not witnessing finished characters. We are watching character being formed.